


"how did you get this number? also, what's pâté??"

by novoaa1



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Mood Swings, N E WAYS, Pregnancy, Pregnant Quinn Fabray, Protective Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray Needs a Hug, Smart Brittany S. Pierce, Teen Pregnancy, aggressive santana lopez, brittany be knowing things, but i mean that's entirely in character for her, i'll keep it teen for now ig, it's a thing now because i say so, just around season 1-2ish, pretty much follows canon, quinn fabray scream-crying, quinn's pregnant and santana is not great about showing she cares, rated teen for swearing and also lowkey sexual themes at the end, wait should i up the rating?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26509900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novoaa1/pseuds/novoaa1
Summary: If Santana thought Quinn was bitchy before, she’s freakingdemonicnow. She scream-cries (because Santana guesses she just can’t choose one or the other) on the daily, yells at Santana for anything from not giving her enough attention to breathing too loudly, and has recently taken up the downright unsavory habit of eating all of Santana’sfreakingchurros.She’s a nightmare, in short. Seriously.(And people have the nerve to callSantanathe devil.)
Relationships: Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez, Santana Lopez & Brittany S. Pierce, Tina Cohen-Chang & Santana Lopez
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	"how did you get this number? also, what's pâté??"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RenLuthor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenLuthor/gifts).



> this is such a blast from the past. wild
> 
> okay so got this request uhh never really wrote for any glee characters before but i do love santana's inner narrative and the way she just verbally decimates literally everyone she happens across for ✨personal reasons✨
> 
> plus, one of the reasons i ended up getting into fanfic in the first place a while back was when glee was popular and brittany and santana were a thing cause that was the first ever wlw couple i ever saw in mainstream media which was absolutely craaaazy to me
> 
> also it was a good break from writing my other stuff

If Santana thought Quinn was bitchy before, she’s freaking _demonic_ now. She scream-cries (because Santana guesses she just can’t choose one or the other) on the daily, yells at Santana for anything from not giving her enough attention to breathing too loudly, and has recently taken up the downright unsavory habit of eating all of Santana’s _freaking_ churros. 

She’s a nightmare, in short. Seriously.

(And people have the nerve to call _Santana_ the devil.)

At this point, Santana is approximately one yelling match away from going full-on Lima Heights Adjacent: grabbing a clothes hanger and scraping that stupid fetus from Quinn’s pretty pale belly herself, consequences be damned. Oh, and chopping Puckerman’s shriveled shrimp dick off for having the nerve to impregnate her in the first place—but that’d really be more of a bonus than anything else. (Ha. _Bone_ -us.) 

She tells herself she’s abstaining purely because she doesn’t care _that_ much about perfect goody-two-shoes Quinn Fabray and her poor life decisions, but that gets progressively harder to believe when it’s 10:00am on a Tuesday morning and she’s cutting class for the fourth time this week because Quinn texted her saying she needed a churro and a hug. 

When she complains about it to Brittany, the insufferably happy-go-lucky girl just shrugs and brightly offers to run Quinn’s batshit-crazy errands (some of them, at least) herself. 

Santana instantly declines, remembering the time she asked Brittany to bring her a fruit and she arrived with a mini plastic banana from her little brother’s Fisher-Price kitchen set. 

Brittany just hums acquiescently in response to that and gives Santana a funny look—all knowing and almost _smug_ , like she sees something Santana doesn’t. 

Santana lets out an annoyed huff and changes the subject. 

On Wednesday, she makes a couple pimply-faced geeks from the A/V Club cough up their lunch money so she can get some prenatal vitamins at the local CVS two streets over. She doesn’t know which kind to get, so she just gets a generic-looking brand that’s both relatively cheap and yet expensive enough to indicate effectiveness (or… whatever). 

Getting Quinn to take the daily 400mcg her body requires (according to WebMD) is a bitch, but Santana figures it’s worth it if it ensures the baby won’t come out looking like a deformed Cabbage Patch kid. 

It’s not like she cares, or anything. It’s just—babies are bad enough, but ugly babies are about a hundred times worse. That’s all. 

The weekend sees her calling Tina up for help (new personal low) because Quinn is scream-crying again and she won’t eat anything Santana’s offering to cook because she’s having another manic-depressive episode compounded by some completely unreasonable (not to mention _gross_ ) craving and Santana knows better at this point than to try picking a fight about it. 

So, she calls up the Glee Club loser least likely to screw everything up—Tina, in this case—and explains to her that Quinn will only eat something called ‘pâté,’ like the kind her die-hard Republican daddy once brought back from a business trip to France. 

There’s a long pause on the other end of the line before Tina asks, “How did you get this number? Also, what’s pâté??” Useless.

Santana fires back with a biting retort and promptly gets to Googling it on Quinn’s laptop ~~because she really doesn’t know either~~. 

Evidently it’s a French (duh) paste, pie, or loaf (God, she hates white people) that’s comprised of liver (barf) and something called ‘forcemeat.’ (Further Googling reveals that ‘forcemeat’ is a meat you make by grinding the meat and fat separately—whatever that entails—and then mashing them together and blending them in a food processor. Christ, she feels nauseous just thinking about it.)

The next hour is spent coaching the Asian girl through a freaking ridiculous shopping haul three towns over (because Lima wouldn’t know ‘refined cooking’ if it slapped them in the taint) based off an ingredients list from Pinterest like a recently divorced wine-addicted mother of three weathering her way through a harrowing mid-life crisis. 

Long story short, Quinn gets her stupid pâté, and Sunday afternoon sees them having a slightly uncomfortable conversation about lactation that ultimately ends with Santana sucking on Quinn’s perfect perky tits in a way that’s anything but child-like. 

Everybody wins. (Even if Santana’s still pissed about her churros.)

— —

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know your thoughts?
> 
> (my [tumblr](https://psyches.co.vu/) or just search me up @ultralightdumbass to come talk to me there!)


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